I was back in primary school for some reason. I was still the same age I was now, except I was back in primary school and I was one of the students. I had homework due in that I hadn't done, so I was trying to avoid the teacher. Then all the kids started filing out the front door to go on a trip, and from then, all I remember is the last kid turning around and smiling at me. The bus started up and left, and I watched it leave through the front gate. I had missed the trip, but I didn't care.

I walked out the side door to the classroom and spread my arms, and felt the wind coarsing from behind me. I felt its strength lifting me and carrying me up. I let it take me away and I just flew away from the school, higher and higher. I can't explain how freeing it felt, what a release it was to be able to just fly away. I can still feel that wind rushing through me right now, it's like a drug.

I knew I was dreaming, but I loved it all the same. I remember opening my eyes wider, absorbing the sight of lush green grass that was heavily tilted in the strong wind. The sky was blue and the trees were strong and mighty. I soared over the plains, just letting the wind carry me away.

I remember seeing a girl. She smiled at me, she had the most beautiful smile, and next thing I know we're just laying in the grass. I felt like we were a couple. We kissed...I felt loved. I remember how her eyes sparkled with affection and the smile she gave, just remembering it makes my heart beat faster. I remember feeling secure and loved. I guess I miss that feeling.

If I could fall asleep, fly away to that world again and disappear, I would.

One of my good friends came to see me today. We hung out in city centre, ate stuff and just chilled :). But that's not really the point of this post so I'll just get to the point...

Her ex-boyfriend is distributing the naked pictures that she sent him.

I won't go into detail...but he was the one that fucked things up with her. He cheated on her three times and she left his ass. She's nothing but kind to him, loving and caring. When he goes through shit she'd always be there for him. He always was an asshole, but she always told me that he treated her different, that he changed for her. Idk...I knew it was stupid for her to trust him...but love's always like that right?

When she found out that he was sending out her nude pictures...she started crying and she felt really ashamed. She kept telling me that she was a slut.

She's so far from a slut. She's never done anything with anyone, and hadn't even sent nude pictures to her previous boyfriends even though they asked. She really really loved and trusted this guy...(I have no idea why) and she would do anything for him. She just said she wanted to make him happy. It's really fucked up how he's treated her...but I guess that's a story for another day.

There's a little backstory to why she felt like a slut. This actually happened to another girl before...her nude pictures got distributed and she got shamed for being a slut. My good friend was one of the ones who looked down on her and laughed at . Who thought she was a slut. Who believed the bullshit that got spread along with the pictures. I knew better...I knew she wasn't like that. I never looked at the pictures because I respected her. I don't mean to seem like I'm up myself and stuff...but it just seems like the right thing to do.

I guess what I want to say is...there's nothing wrong with sending naked pictures to someone you love. You trust them...and you're just sharing intimate moments with them. There's nothing wrong with that.

What is wrong however...is the other person betraying that trust, even if you have broken up. That's just fucked up.

Please don't shame people whose naked pictures get spread. They weren't in the wrong for trusting someone that they loved and sharing intimate moments with them. They never expected the betrayal...they just made a mistake in trusting the wrong person.

Shame the ones who leak the pictures. Shame the ones who betray that trust, who wish to hurt those that trusted them. They're the ones in the wrong.

I find myself caring less and less about everything.

I'm laughing all my problems off. I've gotten a big "fuck that" attitude.

On one hand, this is a good thing. I'm not really getting stressed out or depressed over much any more.

On another, it's a really really bad thing. I'm finding that I'm feeling kinda empty. Like...I should care more.

I haven't really found out what I'm living for yet. I find a lot of the time, I'm just figuring out how to make ends meet, how to get by.

But shouldn't life be more than just...living on because I can't die yet?

Is it bad that I wouldn't mind dying, just that I can't commit suicide without knowing that I'd be really hurting all my friends and family who love me?

It's not like I want to die. I just don't really feel like living. I don't know if that makes sense.

I guess we'll see how everything turns out.